I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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