Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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