Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
