do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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