i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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