I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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