it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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