Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
