"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
