How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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