Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
