TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
