i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
