I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
