I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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