why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
