I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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