I just threw up on my dentist
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
