i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
