I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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