The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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