It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
