so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
