I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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