The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
