He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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