So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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