she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
