Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
