Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i've created a new STD.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
