he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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