I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
