i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
