So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
