I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
