dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
