I wannas sexs uuuuu
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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