I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
