i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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