Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
