i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
