so let's talk penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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