My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
