I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
