so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
