Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
