What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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