How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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