Please, let me fuck your mom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize