So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
