there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
