Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
