Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
